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Pace and lead


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An example of verbal pacing and demonstrating understanding to increase rapport (see "Mirroring" for an explanation and examples of physical pacing). Speed Seduction newsletter, Ross Jeffries:

"VERBALLY PACE THE ONGOING SITUATION - I cannot emphasize enough the power of this VERY important rule. Basically, what it means is to verbally describe and therefore ACKNOWLEDGE the situation and reality that she finds herself in with you.

An example:

Let's say you're a lucky s.o.b., and, like me, you live right by a jog or bike path. Women are constantly skating, blading, running or biking right by you. And let's say further, that, you, like me, are a lazy son of a bitch and have no intention of moving your own fat ass via bike, blades, running etc. What do you have to do in order to meet and talk to these women? Well, Buckwheat, what ya first and foremost gotta do is... Ya Gotta Get 'Em To Stop!

With that in mind, I have actually USED the following approach and ACTUALLY gotten it to work! I merely wait for a nice looking young lady to come jogging, blading or biking toward my stationary position along the path. I then jump out, hold out a hand and in my most authoratative tone yell: STOP! (This is actually pretty funny to watch. I have never had them NOT stop!)

I then say something like, "If you're that easily stopped... you need a boyfriend who will MOTIVATE you! My name is Ross".

In the example above, where I've just jumped in her path and yelled "STOP", what do you think this girl is thinking? It's a safe bet it is something along the lines of "this guy is fuckin' nuts"! So I better USE that instead of ignoring it.

I say something along these lines, "Look, I know this is a totally nutty way to meet someone (pacing her ongoing belief)... but I knew if I didn't do SOMETHING to stop you, we'd never get a chance to talk (also completely true... a truism with which she cannot argue) and maybe see how much WE COULD REALLY LIKE EACH OTHER (embedded suggestion)".

The principle here is VERY important. And that is... BY DEMONSTRATING UNDERSTANDING, YOU INCREASE RAPPORT!

Now, let me make something critically clear: I did NOT say demonstrate that YOU are "understanding, sensitive" etc. I said demonstrate "understanding"... of her ongoing reality and situation. Not in the sense of apologizing or excusing but simply that you are alert and AWARE of who she is and what she is experiencing.

From here, what I will do is say, "Look...I don't have a lot of time here (a bit of a "takeaway" which always makes you more appealing). And it's obvious that you are on the move too. But if you'll sit with me for 5 minutes, I'll analyze your handwriting. You'll get to learn secrets about yourself your best friends don't know and I'll get to find out if YOU are the kind of person I want to know better (here I'm structuring an opportunity and offering her a challenge)."

See also:
Mirroring