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Pacing the ongoing reality


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A good tool to use for instant rapport, especially when approaching (as you need to overcome her possible cautiousness about you and do it fast) is pacing the ongoing reality. What this means, is describing both the very recent (for example her having been idle and you having approached her), ongoing (you talking to her and her being pleasantly surprised) and near future events (her feeling good about getting to know a handsome stranger like you) in a pleasant, humorous and believeable manner. Here's a modified example originated by Clifford in Clifford's Seductin newsletter. It starts out with some basic approaching elements (pardoning, complimenting her, offering your name), which are sometimes frowned upon by more experienced PUA-s (see "Complimenting her", "Neghits" and "Should I offer my name?" for more information on why), but the ensuing pacing of ongoing reality creates an overall pleasant atmosphere of honesty, simplicity and sincerity, which is often almost impossible to resist:) The modified example pacing by Clifford, Clifford's Seduction newsletter:

"Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt you [drinking coffee / reading the newspaper / waiting for the commuter / your train of thought], but I just wanted to tell you that I find you very attractive and wanted to meet you. My name is Rick, what's yours?" [Here comes the pacing] "You know, you never know when something wonderful is about to happen, like you could find yourself [in the cafe / in the waiting-hall / sitting on the bench / whereever] just thinking about [eating another donut / what time the commuter arrives / whatever she's doing or expecting to happen], and the next thing you know an attractive stranger is talking to you, and as you listen to him you may notice that even though [you've never seen him before / you've seen him before at this bus-stop / you've met him before here in this library], somehow today, because he is talking to you, you may see him in a new and different way. Can you imagine that?"

Now what you did here, is you told her something that she invariably had to agree with - yes, she was where you said she was, doing what you told her she was doing, thinking in the lines of what you hinted she was, yes, yes and yes. And all of these things were quite simple for you to say - all you had to do was to describe the scenery:) But in her mind it doesn't matter - she finds herself agreeing to what you're saying, over and over again. And its not some unimportant who-cares and so-what stuff like "the sun is shining... and the buildings are tall... and people are walking by" either, its actually something quite important as it is about what _she_ was doing and what _she_ was thinking about. So while she is listening to you and she finds herself agreeing with you on some fairly important matters, the agreeance she has in her mind creates a feeling of enthusiasm and being close to you, and in effect - instant rapport.

Having had to agree with so many things, the few things that she probably wouldn't agree with on their own, seem also much more acceptable as a consequence. So maybe she wasn't pleasantly surprised when you approached her, or maybe she wouldn't describe you as particularly handsome - but now that you've showered her with so many truisms to begin with, the ones that wouldn't ring so true by themselves seem much more true amongst all the other truisms. Thus for example you telling her she was pleasantly surprised when she thought she wasn't, will have her re-evaluate the nature of her surprise as a consequence of all the other truisms that surround it. Don't overload her mind with things that she probably wouldn't agree with though - keep a fine balance, push things in your pacing just a bit above the actual and towards the more positive, for if you go overboard, she will stop agreeing with you... and bye-bye instant rapport.

Clifford continues: "Now listen for her response - one thing that may happen here and which has happened to me many times is that she may be one of those women who starts talking a lot and you won't be able to get much of what you are thinking of saying out. This is a great sign. Usually I just smile knowingly and let them talk their little hearts out. As soon as the topic of sex comes up, you know you've got her. Just lay back, be friendly, don't say too much, and she will talk herself right into your bed. You may need to invite her for a coffee or a drink at the right time (I have found a lot of the talkers will extend an invitation to you themselves and you just have to watch for it)."

Even during the remote possibility, that she doesn't display immediate interest, you still have plenty of options to evoke it - eliciting values, conversing on general patterning themes or even outright patterning, displaying the general attractive traits of humour and confidence plus anything you came to know she wants in a man via eliciting values etc etc. However, even if you need a follow-up technique to continue with, thanks to your initial pacing of the ongoing reality you're well on your way to getting her to like you. And from there on to... well, whatever your goal happens to be:)

See also:
Complimenting her
Neghits
Should I offer my name?